TALES FROM THE SOUTH!
It is sunny and warn here in South Carolina! Shannon is the hostess with the mostest too. I am having a wonderful time. I want to adopt Shannon’s family. Her sister Sara is really nice and I am so glad I finally got to meet her! We could definitely be friends and Jacob is just a doll. Her sister Morgan who I have met before is also a pleasure to be around. Her mom on the other hand……Boy do I have issues with her (just kidding GiGi…You know I love you!). Yesterday while we were touring the Concord Mall (AKA Arundel Mills in disguise) her Mom called and told Shannon she wanted to hook me up with this “man” she knew. I told Shannon “NO WAY”, it was too early and I wasn’t ready to meet anyone, but to thank her mom anyways. Well low and behold today I am shuttled off to this “man’s” home to meet him. I was told he was “a bit older” and I didn’t want to go. Well I was so mad, but put on a pleasant face and went in anyways. Well my goodness…..It was awful! This older man, Will Bankin was a 45 year old oldie! He was old, old, old! He was balding and combing it over in weird ways, he had on huge jeans that had pleats and were pulled up to his boobies! His jeans were not the only thing huge so was his hieney! His shirt was soo tucked in and pulled tautly into his pants that I could see his huge sausage patty nipples and big boobies (bigger then mine or Rachel’s). He had a house full of antiques. The one good thing was his big pool and cool aqua high ball glasses. He seemed nice enough if I was a 38 year old widow, but not a 25 year old in my prime! Also he has spent the last two years recovering from being paralyzed from falling off a porch while doing a keg stand. Ok Ok the keg stand thing is made up, but he did fall off a porch and was paralyzed for a year and recovering from it for two years. How Shannon’s sweet as pie Mama could see this geriatric, bald man and think ohhh a perfect match for glitter loving, energetic Lisa, is beyond me!!!! I was mortified. Also everytime I peeked over at him he was oogling me! I hated it. I was shocked to find out that someone would think that I would like that kind of man, when I like pretty Backstreet/N*Sync looking highlighted hair boys.
After that we went to Sara’s house for dinner and it was alot of fun! We laughed about the “set up” all night. Turns out Shannon’s Mom had not seen Will in years and had no idea he had turned into such a “Stud”.