Well it is Christmas Eve and you would be proud of me. I have all the gifts wrapped, the house is decorated and oh so clean, the lights are on, cookies are out, the only thing missing is you. I miss you each and every day. Today I miss you a little bit more then usual. I love you so much and I know how important family and friends are to you, especailly around Christmas. I am going to be cooking dinner tommorrow for us all. I am going to attempt your famous potato salad. I hope it turns out good and that Dad thinks it is the best in the world. Dad and Laura tell me all the time how I am the best cook left on earth, not in the world cause we all know you have that title. You know Mom, I haven’t cried in a while. I have been tough and strong and all, but a good part of today was spent crying. I just miss you so much. Mr. John just called. We talked about how much we missed you and how a day doesn’t go by that we don’t think about you. He loved you so much, almost as much as Laura and I. You really were our rock. We were so lucky to have you. So lucky to have learned all the things you taught us. Nikki and I were talking about Christmas past a few days ago, you had such an effect on everyone who knew you. You would be glad to know that the ladies at your work sent Laura and I cards. They still think about you. I wish you were here. So much has happened in the past year and a half. So much I have wanted to tell you and share with you. So much that I wish you could have helped me deal with. I have to stop and remember all you have helped me with, though and I can almost hear you giving me advise about things. Oh Mom, what I would’t give for one more week with you, one more Christmas, shoot even one more hour. To feel your soft hands and comforting hug. I will love you forever! Can you give Memaw and Grandmaw hugs for me and I hope your holliday is spend with the people you have been reunited with!
Ok I haven’t lost my mind, I know my Mom doesn’t read my blog, but this is the letter that I wrote to her a few minutes ago. I put it in her christmas card and then I tore the whole thing up into little pieces and took them to the grave yard. I have done this a few other times. It just makes me feel closer to her. I write this here just so I would be able to see it and think of her. I miss her so much and this is a way for me to deal with it. She loved Christmas and she would love that we are having a real family Christmas here in her house together!