Over Him

Over Him

I am over him, 100% over him. Him who you ask? Well there was a boy I fell in love with when I was ten years old. I loved him in the sick puppy dog love kinda way. We became best friends, the kind that can talk on the phone for 4 hours and then call each other back 20 minutes after hanging up. I hid my love for him because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I hid it so well or so I thought, his friends knew, my friends knew, both of our parents knew, our sisters knew too. I hid it for a long time. Eventually I stopped hiding it from my friends, but kept up a good front around his friends. I would get all tingley when I seen him, I would get butterflies in my belly (at 23 years old no less). He has had girlfriends and I would hate them all, I would help him when he had girl problems and he was there for me when I had guy issues. We never dated, we never talked about our (my?) love. I know he had feelings for me. We were the girl and boy part of the same person. Our likes, dislikes all the same. When he needed to be calmed down his friends would seek me out to do it. When I needed to be cheered up all I had to do was think of him. We had a connection that was unlike any connection that I ever knew. Other people could see the connection when we were together, we just clicked! I lost a boyfriend once because he knew I loved this other boy, he told me when he broke up with me “I can not be in love with someone who is in love with someone else!” But I hid it…or so I thought. I remember once when he moved to a differant state 10 hours away to live with a girl, an ex stripper none the less (the move didn’t last long), I cried for about a week. I was heartbroken! One day while I was sitting at his Mom’s house having tea with his Mom and grandma they told me they always wanted me to be the mother of their grandchildren. Even they knew! When I got engaged (never married….long unrelated story), I couldn’t tell him, I had a website talking all about the proposal and wedding plans, and I couldn’t send it to him. His Mom told him and then he sent me a email telling me about how hurt he was I didn’t tell him. I made up some story about just forgetting to add him to the mass emailing. I don’t know why we never hooked up, became more then friends, but it never happened. We are still friends to this day exchanging emails daily, occasional phone calls and visits. I realized a few weeks ago that I do not love him anymore, sure I love him, I have been friends with him for 18 years, but I am not in love with him anymore. I am in love with Pete. 100% in love with Pete. Even with all my other boyfriends, deep down somewhere I still loved him. He has a girlfriend, he has had MANY in the time we have been friends, but this one, although we have never met, I don’t hate.


One Response to “Over Him”

  1. He Got Engaged! « Life, Love & Craziness Says:

    […] I met Pete.  Nikki compared my early love and constant rambling about Pete to my love for him.  I stopped “LOVING” him a while ago.  I came to the realization that I love Pete deeply and way differently then I loved him.  I […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: